Patience

This week is not off to a great start.

There. I said it.

My day has mostly been an exercise in patience. There's been a lot of waiting and slogging through things - both physically and mentally.

And I haven't been terribly diligent about keeping my new goals.

Sigh.

It was 88 degrees today. I work outside in an increasingly tick-infested forest. Absolutely not kidding when I say that a co-worker pulled 99 ticks off of herself over the course of our work day. (I had over 40 myself.) Ticks plus sweat rolling down every part of you as you struggle through dense pines equals an awesome day of work. I just kept waiting for it to end, trying my best not to let it put me in a bad mood.

And I think I succeeded all right... But then I had to deal with the idiots drivers where I live. I have an ongoing frustration with the side of me that wants to be all road rage-y and race people on the highway. That does put me in a bad mood. I don't know why I let it happen. It's one of the many reasons I think I need to move away from here and go somewhere where people drive a little smarter and nicer.

My friend is currently staying at my apartment until Wednesday and my boyfriend is off work this week, so I had two people waiting for me when I got home. Boyfriend was trying to sleep off a headache - which I don't begrudge him but I am sort of used to coming home and using him as my sounding board. Friend is much more bubbly than I am (ebullient, even), and wanted to go out and do things. But bad day of work and traffic on the way home kind of destroyed my faith in the world for an hour or so. Even my retreat to a long shower and putting on a new dress didn't do much for my mood.

But I was patient. With others. And with myself. I tried hard not to be overtly prickly for no reason. I gave myself time to cool off. I even tried being sweet to my boyfriend when he woke up, and went out with him and my friend for iced coffee and a trip to Target.

And I did mange an evening stroll with said friend. That made up for a lot.

I don't know though. When we got home, I set about cleaning the bathroom (on my list for Mondays). I tried to make this as nice and "me time"-y as I possibly could. I gave myself a facial mask and painted my nails in the midst of cleaning. More patience in trying to deal with myself and my fluctuating moods. But I got annoyed again when I finished cleaning up the kitchen and living room and both boyfriend and friend remained completely immersed in their respective video games. Boyfriend even got annoyed with me when I wanted to change the channel from the Bruins game he was only half-watching. I feel like, "what about me? I just cleaned in silence, by myself. I had a rough day and you both knew it. Am I so prickly that no one can say anything to me? I thought I was doing so well..." Just a blow to the old confidence for a moment.

I picked myself up after five minutes or so of stewing in these feelings and came into the bedroom to write this. I figured these sorts of feelings are better out than in. And as Scarlett O'Hara would say, "After all, tomorrow is another day!"

Hopefully the rest of this week will pick up.