- Abraham Lincoln
I want to touch a little on the tricky topic of religion. I know it's one of those things that isn't polite to discuss in mixed company (or something to that effect), but, as a subject that has always fascinated me for various reasons, I find it impossible to ignore for long.
A little background: I was born into a family of mostly-lapsed Catholics. But for as long as I can remember, my parents have called themselves Unitarian Universalists. We often attended church on Sundays during my childhood, and, at the age of thirteen or so, I insisted on leaving the young adult program permanently in order to attend sermons instead.
If you don't know anything about Unitarian Universalism, or you only have a vague idea of what we're about, I think this is the most important thing to know: "[We have an] understanding that only the individual can determine for herself or himself what to believe; we think that beliefs can’t be imposed by some outside authority, but can only be determined by the inner authority of the person’s own conscience and their personal experience. So we have a community of religious seekers who support one another in their personal search for spiritual meaning, even though the results of the search will be different for different people. We value the differences because we value diversity; we think it is enriching." (This is from a sermon by the Rev. Judy Welles called The Only UU At The Party which you can read in its entirety here: http://www.uucv.net/Sermons/Only_UU_at_Party_Print_Ms_.htm)
In short, I was raised to believe that religion and spirituality are made up of a highly personal journey that individuals undertake mostly by themselves, but hopefully with a compassionate and understanding community to support them in said journey.
Since leaving home, I have not attended church in any meaningful way. I have gone to services (at turns Lutheran, Episcopal, and Methodist) with my own relatives as well as my boyfriend and his family from time to time over the past few years. But each time it made me feel empty inside. More importantly, that emptiness strove to make itself known.
My grandmother and aunt told me once (upon learning that I identified myself as an atheist) that someday when I was older I would feel this emptiness and come to believe in a deity as they did. I know they both meant well and came from places of their own discoveries, but that has never been a path I identified with.
I realized at a relatively young age (probably between ten and twelve) that I could not find any meaning in the thing most people around me called God. I saw no evidence for such an omnipotent deity. Throughout high school, I became more certain of this lack in my universe even in the face of arguments with schoolmates, close friends, and my father. More importantly, I realized that this did not matter to me. For a long time I wished that I had faith in such a great presence, but at the same time I saw that the lack of this faith did not alter my morality. It did not change the sense of wonder and awe I felt with life. It did not make me feel any less complete as a person. In fact, I often feel comforted in knowing that there is nothing out there - that this is all the life we get and no one is actually looking out for us. The comfort comes in the independece. In knowing that my life is what I make out of it. Finding meaning in my own way rather than someone else's.
And yet, religion is alluring. The structure and solace it offers. The mystery it often portrays. I find these things fascinating. I want them in some way. And while the Unitarian Universalist church does give me some of this (and certainly it's the church I would choose to raise my children in), I still feel as though I am missing something.
But I think I've found an answer. And - don't lose me here - I found it in witchcraft.
Okay, don't give me that look. It's not what you're thinking anyway.
A few weeks ago, I was deep in research for a series of novels I'm writing about a family of witches living in New England. Urban fantasy stuff. Demons, magic, ridiculous family trees, etc. I wanted to know more about modern witchcraft and the types of spells and charms "real witches" practice to see if it gave me any inspiration. It did, just not in the way I expected.
Apparently, modern witches (and by this, I, for the most part, mean those who practice Wicca) are a bit like UUs. They have very few hard and fast rules. They believe a lot in what works for the individual. And while I didn't identify with their feelings about gods and goddesses or putting charms on homes or people, I did find two things very relevant.
Number one, witches believe in a "harm none" sort of rule. It falls out to a belief similar to the Golden Rule where doing bad will visit bad upon you and doing good will bring good.
And then there's number two. Most witches write their own "Book of Shadows" or Grimoire in which they record all of their spells and rituals - but also their beliefs and things that they find work for them.
The idea of writing down all of my own beliefs, the things that I find personally sacred, was immediately seductive. I am a writer. Why hadn't I ever tried this before? This book would be different from the journal I already kept for my ramblings about spiritual-related readings and ideas. It would actually be a recording of only those things tested and true that resonate with me.
I've already started this book, my own personal book of shadows. I've been trying to decide what I want to call it though - book of shadows seems too macabre. I like the idea of "The Path" because it denotes a chosen and man-made construction that begins when you decide to set foot on it and ends when you step off again.
I'm going to put up a separate page on this blog with some of things I've written in this book. They're ideals I want to think about always and hold myself accountable for. And I think that sharing such things is never harmful - but instead always helpful.
The worst part about religion in my mind is that people find it such a touchy subject. If only it could be discussed freely, with tolerance and goodwill, as often as people found they needed to discuss it, we might all be happier.
How do you feel about religion? What has your spiritual path been like?
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